i duno why but today seemed like a very very short day...
but i realised i hardly did anytink...
one perk of the day is tht at least i got letters frm my frenz frm yanlin! :)
sooo happy.. shall attempt to reply their letters tonite...
tmr's my grandpa's death anniversary...
i miss him..
badly..
he's the one i respect most...
more than any other human being on earth my whole life..
now tht he's gone ..
its still hard to get used to...
i wish somehow.. whereva he is.. tht he's happy..
~tas

wah... wats tht look for?

my card.. for themm quite screwed up n last min... but they still loved it rite?

her eyes cant open...

sleepy??

narcissitic...

sleeping with my Precious..!!!!

PIG...

the aftermath!

take so long to cut...

mad arh...

cut cake...

before...

no skill photo taking...

messy ppl...

work was fine today..
nth much...
dun get scolded anymore..
haha...
went shoppin with mummy today...
bought some stuff...
met a senior frm SA dere...
she's so pretty la!
n she recognise me..
though i dun know her personally in skool..
haha.. she's working as an ORIGINS salesgirl..
bought some stuff frm her..
she's nice...! :)
went home .. saw weijie..
had a reali funnily interesting conversation...
talked quite a bit.. :)
was fun! :)
mum said some funny things to me..
well..im not gonna read too much into it... but oh well :)
dun reali kare wat she tinks anyways...
haha.. gen.. mum ask me not to hang out with u...
so funny la...
well well.. guess i need to get my slp..
its so hot today man...
toodles evryone!
~tas

us three.. finally in a foto...

smile for the camera...

shocked? or touched?

trying to blow out the candles?

gen's n Hilda's birthday cake... belated i mean...

me n xiu at Galleria toilet.. :)

met xiu for dinner yest..
then head to cheeky monkeys..
where we met peishan, praba n company...
it started out quite badly but got better eventually..
it was a totally different experience..
dint feel like goin at first cuz ann n debra backed out on us..
lucky thing deres xiujuan..
but i kinda got her in trouble ..
feel so bad..
hope evrytink's fine for her...
girl.. im sorry.. hope ur feeling better ya..
gotta know some new ppl..
Aziz, Mark, Malcom & Chris..
guess im not tht much of a racist.. :)
barely slpt much...
gonna head to bed soon...
will post the fotos the next time...
too lazy now..
~tas

so many things happened the pass few days..
duno where to start...
it has been tremendously exhausting week...
work in a sense has been much better now...
met up with gen n hilda for dinner...
it felt right..
ate at prata house at gardens..
had a mini- birthday- cake- cutting- ceremony thing goin..
had some baileys...
stoned n talked...
had our share of crazy fun... played ard...
here're more fotos tht'll tell more...
~tas

its CHLOE RIBBON!!

guess wats her name??

wats so interesting?

wats with the face....

isnt she pretty...?? she's one of the prettiest baby girl i've ever seen....

tis is my personal fav foto!!

spastic face!!

me n the birthday girl...!

another one.. notice we have a new member...jingmin's cousin.. ! welcome girl!

our first cell grp foto!!

ting!! n her new hair colour!

me looking sad... why arh?

the girls... in black

jo n stefffy

ewww... gloating at Robyn's expense...

so poor thing....

the choc!

Happy birthday ROBYN!

cruel ppl made her take the candles out with her teeth.. :)

Robyn! :) happy birthday girl..

playing catching at tis age.. haha... childish la...

prissy princess n me

nat me n jiayi.. the birthday girl!!!

diana n nut!

me n jennie..

sherrie fely n me...

kai yun... back frm australia..

at MOS...

new addition... xiu...

i like tis...

pau looks soo happy!

nice pic of vic

amelia me n vic

why all look so down?? :(

us.. class gathering.. along the streets..

me.. UGLY!

Beyond my existance.
Beyond me.
Beyond evrytink i can cling on to.
Beyond wats worth .
Beyond comprehension.
Beyond forever.
^tas

Silence
^ Silver Rose ^

I never asked for the sunshine
I never wanted the rain
I didn't ask for these feelings
And I never wanted this pain

I never asked for forever
I never wanted your lies
I never asked to be left with
These heart-wrenching cries

I didn't ask for the moon
I never wanted the air
I never asked you to love me
I never asked you to care

I never wanted to love you
I never wanted to fall
I never wanted to succumb
And give to you my all

I didn't ask for the world
Or for the heavens above
I never asked you for something
But I always longed for love.

~tas

For my dearest Grandpa...
If I had one wish,
I would wish to have you back
even if it was for a day.
There's so much to tell you.
There isn't a day that
goes by that I don't think of you,
Grandpa.
I have so many questions
for you,
why did you go so suddenly?
Why couldn't you stay?
I wanted to say
good-bye
before you left
but I was too late.
I don't understand
why you had to go, probably
never will.
It tears me up inside that
you aren't here anymore.
Grandpa,
Good-bye and I love you
~tas

1st of May is a day i'll never erase for the rest of my life.
the day u went away.
without saying bye.
to me ur grand-daughter.
i love you.
whereva you are.
always.

angela's coming back soon...
cant wait for angela to be back...
i miss her...
i miss being able to irritate her...
^tas

i feel so ashamed of myself...
i broke down in tears today..
at work somemore..
juz cldnt take it..
felt so shitty...
trying so hard to smile all day..
n tht was the last straw...
felt much better aft tht actualli..
lucky thing there was xiu..
duno wat i'd have done otherwise..
its not ur fault actualli..
im grateful u came all the way..
thank girl..
guess i was alrdy feeling horrid..
aft bottling evrythink inside for so long..
the last few days was bad..
so i guess it all juz came out...
sorry u hadta see me in tht state
i feel so much better now..
at least i've let it out...
~tas

IRIS

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.

~tas

this is dedicated to xiujuan :

thank you for being there for me...
u have no idea how much it means to me.
really.
im not good at words..
duno how to say thank you in a very thank you way.
but all i know how to say is thank you for being u..
and for making me smile again.
thank u...
for accompaning me..
for ur silly act cute-candice poses..
for trying to be pretty..
for making up silly jokes..
for being so la-bish-la..
for tht gay hug when i was so upset in tears...
for lending me a shoulder..
for the comforting words..
for making me feel not-so-shitty..
for lending me stinky even if its for tht once.
for letting me bore u out all the time
for wasting ur hp bills talking to me..
for calling me to talk abt nth at all..
for making me feel at least somehow im remembered..
for juz being so sweet..
and.. for juz being you..
^tas

i need to rant.
so if u dun feel like it juz get lost...
dun hafta read on..
i feel like im putting on a front all the time.
juz so afraid of others seeing the weaker side of me..
often hiding my fears with smiles..
and tears with an even stronger smile...

its all fake.
i hate to hide my feelings..
but i dun want my frenz to see me sad..
and worse still i dun wanna dampen anyone's mood..
im not in the mood to do anytink anytime soon..
or at least the nex few days...
so dun bother asking..
but tht is .. tht anyone will ask..
my life is juz missing out alot of fun..
no thrill watsoeva..
juz mundane, shitty job plus almost evry slpless nite..
cant get to bed..
juz stone n rot..
and soon enuff im at work again...
repeating the whole process over n over again...
which sucks big time..
i need a life..
tht doesnt consist of work skool uni stress or worries..
im tired.. exhausted..
i hate to think..
i think too much.
still.
again.
~tas

SLEEP.
SLEEP.
SLEEP.
^tas

i feel so screwed...
my life's shit rite now.
i doubt any UNI will take me in..
most of the ppl i know have been accepted somewhere..
got in somewhere...
or at the least got calls frm a UNi..
except me.
God-willing..
i'll go whereva he leads me..
even if it means to go abroad..
if thts the case..
goodbye..
i dun tink i can make it in any uni here..
havnt receive any call watsoever..
my life's a mess rite now..
emotionally drained..
spiritually dry..
physically tired..
wish i can juz disappear...
never to appear again..
i wish i can be happier..
i know i can be.
but its juz not now.
i dun even know why i've got so much to say...
somehow i wish my life can be a lil easier to live.
i guess as compared to many..
my life is reali good alreadi..
guess i shldnt ask for too much..
numb.
i juz wanna feel numb.
numb to evrythink..
numb to anytink.
juz numb.
NUMB.
^tas

im so sick n tired...
of evrytink..
duno why but i've been having such an uneasy feeling in me...
its like aft watching the show "closer"..
how when evryone thot her name was Alice..
but it turns out tht her real name is Jane.
its kinda sad when the ppl u thot know u best are the ones who know u the least...
somehow it got me thinking..

Isnt he the guy that made me cry...

Isnt he the one who's on my mind?

why is it tht the one who means the most to you make you cry?

why do i keep wondering why?

Isnt he the one whom i thot wld make me smile...

Isnt he the one who caused me slpless nites?

why is it tht i cant stop thinking how he is today?

why do i keep wishing i'll see him again?

im hopeless.

im a wreck.

im nth more than crap.

wat i wrote isnt meant for anyone in particular if u were wondering who..

its juz random thots i felt like putting down..

i cant get the uneasy feeling to go away..

its bothering me but i dunno why.

its a friday nite n evryone's out having fun...

onli left with me n myself to rot & numb.

today's the busiest day of the month...

tmr will be too..

the project tht i've been waiting for to come..

so i can quit soon n become a real slacker..

im a hopeless case of retard.

i cant even think of words to describe myself n how i feel anymore..

all i know is tht i wish deres someone to share n pour out mt thots and feelings to..

i wish i can find someone

tht someone who'd juz sit ard with me...

dun even need to hear me out..

juz chill with me..

at least to let me feel tht im not alone..

evryone's so busy..

evryone's preoccupied with their lives..

evryone's got someone they can turn to in need..

evryone's has their own frenz..

evryone's got their own lives to live.

evryone's got a part in someone's life.

evryone's has evryone.

But me.

^tas

Happy BirThDay GeNnnnn!!!
May the Lord Grant YOu all YOur Wishes
...and the desires of your heart... :)
^tas

wenta meet xiu for dinner..
haha..more like accompany her to eat la...
wow.. its amazing how xiu in her "salesgirl" mode can be soooo possibly polite...
its like.. oh man! where did xiujuan go???
ahah.. anw.. she kept going into her super-act-cute-make-ppl-feel-like-puking face...
gosh... ewww.. haha..
anw forgot to switch back our shoes..
walk back with super aching feet cuz her working shoes are the pointy type...
its painful even now...
sigh.. anw... haha..
im goin back to my room to stone...
havnt been stoning in a long time! haha...
*ciaoz*
~tas

vicky called last nite... .
quite a surprise...
he juz came back a few days ago
and the first thing he said to me was ..
"its juz my committee..!"
its was hilarious!... i burst out laughing when i heard tht...
so cute la..

finally got to meet quan quan, vic n shiang's fren, at work on sunday..
quanquan's sucha sweet girl.. :)
we got along quite well too...
finally someone my age to talk to me..
though i still like kate karen n mendy! haha..
its always nice to hav another friend!

woke up late today..
luckily i wasnt supposed to report to office...
hadta go collect some stuff frm print orient..
went down to cedar as planned..
wanted to visit Ms Chye..
but wat tough luck...
she's away on course..
another wasted trip..
maybe its juz me..
i shld have called before i went down.. *sigh*
met wanping n janelle at skool n realised they're teaching dere...
so cool.. they said its reali fun..
im contemplating whether to apply too...
but guess its too late now..

work ended late today cuz i thot i'll juz stay in n finish up all the outstanding work..
stayed later than i expected too..
work has been less stressful now..
guess its much much better than before..
im learning to manage stress n working better under pressure i guess..
n a lil more tactful when it comes to dealing with my boss..
haha... im kinda enjoying it a lil more..
its a good thing..
hope its not onli gonna be today...
but for at least the whole time im working dere..

got sth for evryone at home today...
got my pay today..
but havnt cashed the cheque yet..
still i bought mum dad n brothers sth tht made each of them smile..
gave a part of my pay to mummy n daddy too..
guess i made them all happy.. :)
im happy when they're happy..

i heard news tht my Aunt's gettin married soon..
CONGRATULATIONS!!
havnt had a joyous occasion at home in a long time..
the first wedding in ion years..
hope it'll all be good..
i can take leave tht day too!
great! a good break finally..
im sucha slacker la..
haha.. :)

gonna go get ready some gifts for some pppl..
then get some slp..
nitez evryone!!
~tas :)

Happy 19th to you...
guess it'll always be special to me somehow ...
oh.. n happy 19th Angela dear...
duno when u'll getta see tis... anw..
though ur faraway in Greensboro, USA rite now..
hope ur enjoying urself..
i miss ya..
anw i juz saw tum on my way home a while ago...
reminded me of ya again..
pls pls be back soon okay?? :)
25th is sucha long time away...
muz definitely hang out when ur back ya...
and tis time the date's on me.. :)

met pauline n the girls at cineleisure today...
pau juz came back frm thailand.. her shoppin was reali fruitful !
she bought lotsa stuff for us too!
thank you girl!

wenta kbox tonite....
its been a long time since we last went..
it was reali fun..
met quite alot of mediacorp artiste dere..
singing too...
haaha.. juz next door..
they were singing standing up n jumpin ard... haha.. yeah i peeped! :p
saw the pretty actress too when i went to the ladies..
she's gorgeous.. n tall too!

and ...xiu's reali acting weirdly hyper-actively-happy lately....
and ultra sweet n less attitude..
its kinda amazing.. nice change..
but im so not used to it.. haha.. :)
she cried too when we were singing to one of the songs...
Aww... so sad.. dun cry alrdy k..
opz.. im sure u'll kill me when u read tis but.. anyhow....its my blog..
im free to write rite? :)
and.. thx girl !

met SHENA-Na today at the Mrt station.. !
haha, i recognised her frm onli her back view la..
is tht cool or wat..
remind me.. tht i reali miss PQ n company... arh..
haha.. when i was on the train i met Jasmine!
she's now working partime at the sound of music musical..
and gets to watch it free... so lucky..
i dun tink i'll even getta chance to watch it..
*sighhhh*

bought a cake thts ready for collection tmr..
too late to amend the order... or postpone collection..
anyone kare to have it with me ?
cuz my date on thurs is cancelled...
so the cake for the birthday persons ..is now free for all...
anyone wants ? its very nice...
frm sweet secrets...
juz let me know .. msg me or sth k....
i'll be more than happy to share it..
dun wanna hafta eat it by myself.. so sad..
dun wanna keep it over the week either cuz it wont be nice...
shall order another one for nex week.. :)

tmr's gonna be a reali boring day for me..
not goin anywhere aft work..
maybe juz coming straight home...
chilling out at home may be fun... anyone care to join me..
my place - Welcome all !
mum n dad has been bugging me to come home early evryday...
complained tht its been ages since i last come back early..
i feel terrible..
anyway i intend to give them each a portiion of my salary for tis month..
they seem to be having some financial difficulties..
mum says she wanna move hse..
dad says she's crazy..
a family of stubborn ppl..
i reali dunno watta do with them...

anw im tinking of visiting Ms Chye at Cedar tmr..
i kinda miss her..
will go tmr morning.. then head for work... :)
hope all goes well tmr...
btw .. still.. anyone wants cake? :P
~tas

didnt have the time to do the previous ones properly... trying to do them up nicer... :)
~tas

the second one.. juz last friday...

our first gathering... sort of..

nth mucch...
met the councillors at jiayi's...
its her birthday!!!
hapy birthday dear...
love ya loads!
dint even realise its 19th once again...
i almost feel as if its lost its imptance..
duno how to say..
i know deep down the significance of it is always dere..
but...yet it made me feel sad...
its meant to be happy 19th...
Happy being the keyword..
happy 19 dear...
~tas

today's saturday...
i realised im caught in two places to go tonite...
whether i shld go dengzhi's place or jiayi's place?
jiayi's place was decided like ion years ago..
its a stay over party for councillors plus jiayi's birthday celebration..
i almost totally forgot abt it till tis morning...
i feel so bad...
im so forgetful...sigh..
wat abt dengzhi's hse to chill with ting..
promised her onli yest...
how????
if i meet the council pepz i wont be able to go for cel..
and i still have work on sunday.....
HOW??
~tas

Did we reali fall aslp? :) haha.... nah...

us us us us... so many...

our drinks.. all have cherries.. so cute rite?

so attitude for wat... the lousy photographer! :) haha.. u know who u are..

gen's face is cut off... we're in the underpass i tink... ;)

left over food....

Gen n Hilda.. looking good.. :)

Gen.. the Gentleman.. :P

the pretty babe in Harry's..

meeee... at Harry's bar..

too much to drink ? :) ..... fun!

us again.. different pose.. are we bored or wat? :)

GEN HILDA AND ME !!

today had a terribly bad day at work..
i left like walking out dere and then...
if not for her being my boss n serene's friend..
i'd stormed out ..
i hate it .
i reali do.
i feel so pressured.
so unhappy.

im sooo glad i met Hilda n Gen today...
was supposed to be a mini birthday party-cum-chill-out-session...
juz seeing them made my day...
i Thank God for them..
felt soo comfortable with them evrytime we went out...
wenta yum cha for tim sum dinner..
then to harrry's bar for a drink...
then headed down to my hse to chill out...
they are reali WONDERFUL company...
thank you guys! :)
hope u guys had a great time..
sad u both hadta leave early though...
sorry for being sucha whine.. :P

time to slp... im tired..

nitez evryone!
love ya ..
~tas

stayed over at xiu's today..
yest actualli..
had a late nite... heard Karma..
like finally...
felt perfectly awake the whole day though..
but juz felt totally off...
not anymore i hope.
i juz cant std it when i send a msg.
you dun reply.
im sad.
a lil.
im gonna get over you.
~tas

There are so many things i wanna say...
so many things boggling me...
but juz a min ago when i saw my tag board ..
all the sadness juz disappeared...
i found a smile on my face... :)
its magical..reali...
i realise tht juz lil words of encouragement..
sweet love care n concern means so much to me...

xiu..
thx for accompaning me yest..
i felt soo bad u sounded so tired at work..
cuz u had sucha late nite ...
sorry dude...
thx for being the B****
yest...it was soo fun screaming tht song at you!
it felt sooo good!!
Yo! B***** get outta way!
haha.. and thx for not taking tht stick yest..
tht lil respect went a long way..
and i'll get the thing for ur heels sooon...

Ting..
thz for all ur encouragements ...
thx gal..we'll chill out one day soon at dengzhi's place k..
talk the whole nite thru ...real soon rite? :)
always enjoy all those lil chats...
anw.. i wanna quit too..
i can rant on n on abt it forever..
but i shall not sadden myself..
or anyone else for tht matter..
haha.. like i said.. im hapi now..

ah pau... thx thx thx!
always trying to make me feel more comfortable..
n being so nice n sweet to me..
enjoy ur trip whereva u are now...
bon voyage!
btw.. since WHEN did i become Piggy PooPoo?? :(

and ANGELA PHUA... my dearest penguin!
where are YOU?????
i miss you big time ....!!
when's our next date ???
come back soon k....
i MISS YOU YOU YOU!!
i miss you whereva you are!!

victoria!!
haha.. we muz have more of those nitez at xiu's soon..
take more loony stupid photographs!
than we can cpoy more of ur silly actions!
its super fun...haha...

angeline..
thank you!
im smiling like NOW..see it?
you smile lots too...
will seeya soon..maybe one of those tuesdays? :)

yingwen...
dun worry i am patiently waiting..
ur the pro organiser for kbox...
we muz go sing our hearts out soon k...
u cheer up too k...

GENEVIEVE SEAH!!!
MY BEST FRIEND!!
you better stay my best friend for a very long time..
a warning!!
"dun MIA again k..."
pretttyy PLEASE....
i waited for the WEDS for soooo long..
end up i still hafta wait ONE MORE DAY...
its like forever la...
wheneva i call u, ur always always busy loh...
i give up la..
anw it TOMORROW!!!
so exciting rite??????
haha...its urs n Hilda's 19th Birthday party la!!!
hope its gonna be REAL GOOD!!
its definitely cuz im spending it with you guys!!
i miss ya alrdy... HILDA TOOO!

and once again.. thx guys...
evryone of yo who have been a real friend to me...
thanks! :)
i feel a whole lot better.
reali.
thanks!

~tas

im soo saddened...
heard too many sad news recently...
i totally felt like i was in the dump of the dumps...
felt so sad the whole day ever since i heard e news ....
dint feel like talking much at all ...
bought a new pair of heels..
bought it very hastily...
its kinda cute... :)
haha... n high too..
makes me feel tall...
dragged my feet down to meet my dear classmates..
not tht i dun like meeting them..
in fact i do very much..
but i wasnt feeling good at alll...
anw im sooo glad i met them..
i kinda miss them alrdy...
they make me feel good again...
but when we were goin back...parting ways...
as i was leaving.. i felt sad all over again...
e only thing tht made me smile is tht i heard Karma by Alicia Keys on Radio !!
wanna go black tmr..
but... seems like evryone's backing out alrdy...
*sigh* hope not la...
anw mum wont be happy if i go...
juz see how tmr...
Hilda GEn!! seems like my weds plan dint go too well...
the long wait is making me sad...
i cant wait to see u guys...
its late..
i need slp..
but i dun seem to want to...
but i'll be so worn at work tmr...
*poutz*
~tas

i have reali nth much to say other than i feel tht my life is soo meaningless now...
im soo occupied with work i have no time n energy to do wat i like...
and im not really enjoying very much of work rite now...
i really wanna QUIT !!!
had the meeting today...
all the way at Tampines..
which was soo far away..
on acct my office is at stevens rd...
was reali late cuz i i hadta change mrt n bus...
the traffic was bad...and i cldnt get off work any earlier than i did...
sigh...i dun reali like having too much to handle...
anw, saw someone tht look very much like him near his workplace ...
dint ask him if it was him..
but oh well so wat if it was...
i hate me.
~tas

Klutz!

im gettin quite worried abt my smu application..
i havnt even got e call frm them.....
i feel so screwed....



i doubt i can get anywhere....



prayers... i need prayers....





i wish it can be simpler...
i wish i dint hafta go thru all tis....



juz keep it pure n simple...



why?




im so disappointed in myself....

work was horrid today...
i onli manage to sell ONE miserable fone...

how bad can it get...

sucha loser la...


i slacked the whole day...

xiu was soooo nice..
she came all e way down frm tangs to PS to have dinner with me!!!
the only thing tht brought a smile to me.... :)
thanks girl :)
love ya loads !!!
you're the only nice one now...
anw due to her influence also..
i bought 2 cartons of packet milo today..
duno wats with me...
i seem to like to drink milo and vitagen nowadays...
and i drink alot of it till i feel too full to have anytink else...
its nice !!
anw work starts reali early again for me tmr..
still hafta meet up with the camp commm for the games and programmes...
gene n esta n evelyn ... so sorry abt the previous time...
i sure hope i'll make it on time tis time.... :)
thts all im saying today...
takekare dudes!
~tas

You Are the Girl Next Door! You're caring, warm, and the girl that nice guys want to marry.Uncomplicated and simple, you've got an easy going attitude guys love.But this doesn't mean you're dull - far from it!You're a great conversationalist, and you're an expert at living the good life.

haha...had some fun today...
slept quite alot...
but tht oso means i cant slp much the nex few days...
lotsa stuff to do man...
anw.. i feel so violated...
ewww... claudia downed ice down my shirt today..
so gross can... ewww..
anw heard some stuff tht made me happy for awhile..
not confirmed yet..
but i sure hope its gonna come to pass soon..
haha ;)
at least tht made me smile today..
for awhile.. :)
~tas

xiu.. looking happy pretty and in bliss! luckily she's not pda-ing in the foto...

vic n stinky....plus stinky's lil frenz..

vic looks so slim here... :)

MY ULtimate UGLY photo... haha... it looks damn bad..

xiu's "Ms Candice pose"...

act... erm.. lets not say it...

me turn!! haha.. i look the most spas one la...

xiu's turn!

originally vic's act cute pose.. who wasnt copyrighted.. cuz xiu n i both stole it! haha...

only xiujuan look happy.. i wonder why la... vic's face is half blocked...

carzy ppl of the world unite! :) haha.. silly us.. all somehow blocked by a certain sth...

vic.. in the pretty pink shades.. which we all took our silly photos in later too..

vic n me!! while xiu was out playing her SIMS...

i've come to realise tht despite evrytink...
i reali do have many frenz who love n kare abt me...
ppl who reali kare abt me despite their busy schedule..
took the pains to be extra nice to me...
taking the trouble to meet me n listen n talk to me...
somehow...having them in my life certainly means a world to me..
i thank God for them..
wldnt know wat i'll do without them..
guess its also bcuz of them i have actualli opened up alot more..
frm the quiet girl who keeps evrytink to herself..
to somehow who can speak her mind n say the things she wanna say...
i guess i have grown up...
i have matured quite a bit..
though i can reali be quite insane at times esp nowadays...
somehow it used to feel like a mask im wearing...
to cover my innermost thots feelings and emotions..
but now im beginning to learn to remove tis mask...
n stand out to be someone i want to be...
n to show my true self...
walking out of the pretence...
it feels so hypocritical...
not reali in a hypocrite way...
but more of juz being afraid to let others know the real me..
afraid of revealing the more fragile part of me...
therefore hiding it with laughter n smiles..
very much like how sad it is to be a clown...
juz hoping to bring laughter and smiles to others' faces..

had a nice long chat with my ex-bestfriend...
my new-found close fren to be..
haha... thx gen for e lil chat...
felt like old times...
in PRIMARY SKOOL! :)
to xiu n pau n xin n all e rest who called me aft tht...
sorry n thank u !!

shall go post n upload my fotos now.. toodles!
~tas

today went well..
i mean.. working with the other two musketeers frm SA..
haha ann n debz... totally made my day..
tough it was super tiring n all...
it turned out well...
ended work late today as usual...
went to xiu's aft tht...
juz to chill n return her stuff...
seriously i havnt had so much fun doing retard things in soo long...
we were fooling ard doing stupid stuff...
n if u seen it u'd definitely say its retard too...
retard as it seems...
it totally cracked me up...
we had a mini k-box and recording session too...
laughed n went off key a million times....
it was hilarious! :)
thank you vic n xiu for making today end so well..
stay there till abt midnite when vic's "stylo-milo" dad came over
and fetch me home too.. :)
thx dear!!
need to go bathe now...
reali need to get my rest too...
tired like crazy...
:)
~tas

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HILDA!!!!!!!!!
thank you for bring sucha wonderfu fren..
my P4 best friend!! :)
~tas

i juz needed someone to hear me out..
but i duno wat exactly to say..
guess i merely wanted someone to chill with...
someone to juz be dere n sit by me..
i feel totally useless..
back aching reali badly...
its a weds nite..
im begining to detest weds nite...
it always makes me feel kinda weary..

i felt totally stone today..
if not for debra i wldnt know wat i'll do all day...
tmr will be a better day i hope..
ann n debs working with me..
its gonna be FUN!
i hope...
im beginning to lose faith in myself all over again..
somehow...
sths i cant make it on my own...

she's sick... kinda bad..
high fever...
duno wats wrong...
hope she's feeling better...
poor thing..
duno why always fall sick nowadays...
duno if she got it frm me..
thru telepathy?
haha
nah.

im full of crap nowadays...
juz need to entertain myself..
juz gotta make life a lil more fulfilling than it alrdy is now..
juz to make it feel a lil more interesting than it is boring...

supposed to go meet xiu for dinner..
but cuz of some stuff..
she managed to convince me to o her hse..
BUT cuz of the rain tht deterred me frm leaving office..
i ended up not going anywhere in e end...
gen was at gardens..
but she wasnt of any help either as she left when i reached gardens..
wat a pal... :( *damn sad*
went str8 home aft tht...
sad.
life sucks.

~tas

:: sometimes you cant make it on your own ::

blogged quite alot last nite...
alot of thots..
feelings...
emotions and all..
but somwhow i dunno wat happened to all of it...
they all juz disappeared...
guess they ought to..
cuz they probably are not stuff i shld keep.. :)
dint go to work today..
for once..
i felt relaxed...
stress-freee...
it felt great..
one WHOLE day of slacking..
stoning.. rotting and alll...
went out with ann debra and angeline today..
praba was suppta to meet us..
but he kinda met with an accident...
duno how serious it is..
sure hope he's okay..
will call n ask later...
anw.. went with debra for her interview...
it was soo cool..
it was tis headhunting company...
tht was looking for young ppl in the media world...
kinda told us abt some really cool stuff..
duno shld join anot..
i have the passion for theatre..
but i dun tink im serious abt it full-time....
dun wanna get myself into sth im not sure abt...
came back aft tht...
work is super early tmr morning..
hope evrytink turns out well..
meeting debs at abt 7 plus at tpy in morning..
she'll be my campany tmr!
n meeting xiu for dinner aft tht...
anw... HIlda and Genevieve...
when are we meeting again????
soon ritez???
if u see tis..
pls let me know time n venue u can make it...
tis time its my treat dears! :)
hope hear frm ya...to seeya soon...
takekare cheerios!
~tas

i met the most horrible taxi driver of the century...
got on my nerves sooo bad i feel like strangling him with my bares hands..
juz tht i reali dint have the energy to move an inch closer cuz i was feeling soo sick..
and tht i'd really totally dirty my hands if any part of me gets in contact with tht monster...
the first thing i got on the cab he asked me if i had small change...
which i dint.. and HE scolded me???
like.. hello?? i dint get on the cab to get a lecture frm him?
i called my brother to get ready some cash to pass to me at the gate so tht i can pay him..
so i told him i had the money alrdy..
but he went on with his plan to ask me to change money??
like oh man.. its not as if i dun have the money to pay him..
but stopped me in front of a small petrol kiosk n told me to get off to change some small change..
i politely told him i alrdy got someone to get ready money..
but he refused to budge move on..
so i thot i'd juz go down to change money..
guess wat ? the petrol kiosk didnt have change???
i was sooo pissed......
and guess wat his reply was?
"oppz.. haha.. to tink a BIG petrol kiosk like tht doesnt have change?? "
i felt like whacking him man!
i was feeling sick enuff ...
and the customer is always right...
he had the nerves to drive up all the way into the petrol kiosk when i told him not to.
and even so after i told him there was no need to several times.
he was sooo attitude...
any saint person wld have felt like lodging a complaint against tht IDIOT!
wats more he tuned up to super horrbile CHEENA oldies songs...
PLUS he was speaking in hokkien on the phone so loudly i really felt sooo irritated..
i wish i can lodge a complaint..
almost did.
but my dad said NO.
cuz he was afraid of trouble..
cuz he apparantly wasnt the decent kinda guy...
and he knew where i live cuz obviously he drove the taxi..
cant believe im juz gonna take it lying down..
all i did was slammed the door real hard when i left and called him a moron..
which i dunt tink he understds anyway...
he totally ruin my day...
the JERKASSS of the Century!
~tas

i get the strangiest feeling tht somehow i dun belong..
i juz cant find myself..
i feel like i dun belong anywhere...
but juz loitering ard evrywhere..
wandering aimlessly...
sliding in n out...
darting ard..
here n there...
~tas

i quite enjoy work on sundays now..
its not all abt how many deals i made..
its abt the ppl..
though they may not be very smart..
not very my league kinda ppl..
i like them anyways..
they make me feel at home...
i like tht feeling..
i need slp..
im feeling faint already..
i juz wish i wont hear THT name again...
else i'll really break down...
*sigh*
~tas

meeeee....

Gen... she looks like a lil puppy...
haha... duno doing wat oso..
pretty cute!

hilda pigging out... haha...
hungry huh???

a pic of hilda looking very agonised.. haha..
doing wat?? hmmz... haha.. i dun wish to know...
funni...

i saw nolan today juz went i was abt to knock off!!
he still looks as good as ever...
sauve, cool u name it...
he's one of the seniors i reali look up to in skool..
a very well respected councillor in 25th!
man.. was i so glad to see him!! :)
he was my angel too..
in the angel mortal game with my senior klass..
haha...

attitude foto....
haha.. trying.. but CMI..

ah pau and me!

hilda n me again.. at baker's...

xiu n me..
so poseur..
haha...

cool foto man.. haha
mirror wonders...

wats wrong with me in tht foto..
haha... stupid face... haaha..!
~tas

hilda n me!! nice? haha...
~tas

gen in the toilet..
i shall not elaborate on doing wat..
haha..
pretending only la ...

we even took photos in the toilet..
haha... quite fun...
isnt the photo creative...?
~tas

dinner at bakers inn..
im soo glad they're in my life again...
they bring joy to my life!!
~tas

me and my best friends.....
i miss them...
~tas

GOd is Good.
All the Time.
God will make a way where there seems to be no way.
He works in ways we cannot see.
He will make a way for me.
He will be my Guide.
Hold me closely to His side.
With Love and Care for each new day.
He will make a way.
He will make a way.

though im feeling weary and troubled now..
i know that God has His plans for me.
Great and Mighty Plans for me.
Plans to make me prosper.
Trust in HIM.
~tas

feverish and sickly the whole day today...
went to work anyways...
guess wat time work ended for me today? 9.45pm!
am i lucky or am i lucky?
there were loads of things to do today..
as usual cabbing evrywhere i went..
dint even have time to eat all day...
i pity myself alrdy..
not juz sick but torment as well..
its both physically and mentally challenging..
in no time i'll seriously break down.
really duno wats wrong with msn..
or maybe its juz my com..
the other one i always use crashed on me..
no choice but to use the one in my room..
i cant seem to log in to msn or hello..
i still need to send Gen the fotos...
been delaying them for soo long now..
but at tis rate its goin...
i doubt i'll be able to slp much again..
still hafta go to the bank early tmr morning to sign the papers..
and then meet up with ting n char before church service starts...
and then meeet up with xiu n pau for our long awaited chompchomps supper..
been popping too many pills recently..
headache, fever and cold..
*sigh* i feel weak...
im juz plain lousy...
shall try to turn in early today..
if i can even get down to completing evrytink i need to do..
cheerios!!
~tas