im feeling so random.
someone juz msged me n said some things..
guess he somehow knows abt my blog.
but juz pretending not to know..
duno why..
but if ur reading tis..
i already know you know.
stop tryin to sound so psychic like u know evrytink abt me..
its freaky at first..
but now i find it annoying..
anyways.. thx for ur concern..
im not really pissed..
maybe im juz frustrated and tired thts why..

i guess it doesnt really matter anymore.
alot of things tht i tink..
they dun reali matter anymore.
they dunt.
~tas

Okay okayy... i dun have a thousand blisters..
i have FOUR.. but its bad enuff on my feet..
*sigh* working at orange again tmr..
shld be meeting XIU for dinner too!!
she's soo nice to come down for dinner with me..
Aww... soo sweetish...
haha.. :)
will be kinda busy tis coming week..
lotsa things to look forward to..
juz tht i feel so possibly tired..
well... im feeling reali low today..
received reali devastating news..
cried till my eyes swelled quite a bit..
i know theres no point breaking..
but.. i juz cant help it..
tears fell uncontrollably...
Gosh.. i am trash..
shall stop here else i wont be able to slp at all tonight...
dun wanna be a spoiler ..
shall not torture ppl readin tiss..
will blog more when im feelin happier!
~tas

i have like a thousand blisters on my feet...
it was crazy...
i regreted it soo much for wearing tht pair of shoes for the seminar...
it was like.. WOAH!!
the skin is peeling off..
the flesh is bare..
and it hurts like crazy!!!
i wanna cry alrdy man...
even if i move a lil teeny winy bit..
it hurts like mad...
it even hurts when i dun more or touch it@!!!!
ARgh....... HELPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!
AWWWWwwwUUuuCCCHHH...!!!
At the Summit.. Raffles hotel was fun today...
DR Vivian Balakrishnan was dere..
he's like one of the few speakers tht i actualli listened to...
for the past duno how many conference i attended...
its like.. interesting for once..
And Mr Khan is sooo Funni..!!
anw today's e last day im seeing Pris, Jeanne, Jordan, JJ, SQ, Mel and company...
its been so short few days only..
haha.. oh well.. anw met Qianhui for nite supperish-chat..
ahha.. was quite fun..
talked alot.. :) walked alot .. ate too! :) haha..
P.S My Feet HURTS BIG time!!!!!!!!!!!!! *crys*
~tas

went for the Global Traders Summit today..
organised by International Enterprise and The EVENTS Company
Woah i realised tht there are reali many rich ppl ard..
they pay like thousands of dollars for a seat there at the conference..
wat a pure waste of money cuz most of them dint stay for the whole thing..
while the rest were slping, yawning or they looked totally uninterested ...
but work was so crazy..
a total waste of time..
cuz half the time we had nth to do but stand dere "fa zan"
it was bad.. had reali bad blisters...
and the ppl dere were so mean to us..
its like.. WOAH.. we are human beings..
HELLOoo...??
anw juz found out tht jeane is wendy's best friend..
the world is soo small..
haha..anw made new frenz too.. :) cool...
came home early today to slp..
hope i'll slp early though...
haha :)
~tas

seems like i'l never get down to slping..
oh well.. nows the time..
haha.. anw dinner was good..
met qianhui pauline n sherry..
met chrystle n wats his name again..
erm.. cant remember.. jason's friend..
the guy whom we met at e club ...
anw.. chat till abt 10 plus..
i decided to head back home..
supposed to be aslp by now..
*sigh*
i lack slp..
im goin now.
reali going now..
~tas

the resort frm my point of view..

the ferry .. haha..

act seh.. haha.. but CMI..

lying on e bed.. wat a holiday!

ting too.. look how happy she is.. haha..

we even took photos in the toilet.. so boh liao.. haha.. thts us!

a very gay pose.. but nice backgrd.. haha..

duaney...

two guys.. duno doin wat.. hmmz..

darren.. half asleep..

walkin away..

tis is my personal favourite pic..

Mr Tan DEng Zhi.. haha.. i juz cant stop laughing.. i reali cant get used to tis look at all!

similar pose.. different girl! tis is our dear Jingmin! :)

Joy at her shot at pool.. :) look at her.. so serious..

today work was terrible!
had like tonnes of things waiting for me to do..
dint have breakfast lunch or dinner till abt 8plus at nite..
was a torture man..
work was crazy..
tmr's work is at Raffles Hotel..
haha.. hope it gonna be fun..
but i hafta wake up at SIX AM!!
its madness..
and its like almost 2Am ..
4 Hrs of slp..
oh dear..
will update tmr...
~tas

very pretty too.. dun u tink? :)

lil Ally... so cute dun u tink?? JOy's and Robyn's lil sister...

at the ferry terminal... wat a nice blue sky...

blur foto of david.. haha..as blur as him..

darren.. deep in thots...

gene..

mark looks happy..

wats ting doin? i seriously duno..

wat are they lookin for?

theres sth abt tis photo..it gives me a very uneasy feeling..kinda sad too..

footprints in the sand...?

nice place.. dun u tink? :)

me.. at the beach..

the cranium ppl..

ppl congregating in rachel's room..

duane again.. duno doin wat...

ms esta tan.. haha.. wats she up to? hmmz...

the ppl who sang for us.. look at sam n david.. haha.. pretending to appreciate music! haha.. but seriously.. they are good! :)

joy.. me and my *TODD* specs.. supposed to make me look nerdy! :)

darryl's lovely ladies pose! :) haha..

the one whose new hairCUT .. i juz cant get used to..

me n ting.. on the ferry.. :)

miss loo jingmin.. on her shot at pool..

making tis look a lil more old skool.. adds to the effect.. haha..

a tribute to duane.. haha.. super cute foto dun u tink?? :) haha..

was so lazy i dint wanna wake up for work..
called in to say tht i'll be in late..
haha.. wat a PIG!

for now... on the happier parts of the trip to desaru i promised i'll blog abt..
it was loads of fun and sun and water and games and friends!!
a wonderful group of people to hang out with..
tink i grew fatter aft the trip cuz evry single meal was super filling..
so much food for soo lil ppl...
evrytink was buffet style...
its crazy..
also there were many games..
at the beach.. at the pool..
waterpolo.. washing machine.. queen sheba..
name it.. not to forget cranium, sherades and all the silly games tht esta joy dz keith david and company played..
realised tht darren is reali good in sherades.. havnt seen anyone as pro as him before..
haha.. it was reali good..
had some sessions tht helped me understd a whole lot more abt stuff i dint know before..
i love the beach..
i love the company..
maybe a lil sad .. some things dint work out the way i wanted them to..
its too short a trip too..
but on the whole i love almost evrytink abt desaru..
though it can get boring..
i guess at the end of e day.. its all abt e company we have..

went down to raffles hotel today for a briefing for the IE global conference event..
hope it'll be fun...
i bought 2 pairs of shoes today too..
cuz i need covered shoes for work..
bought one pointy one and one round one..
its cute i tink..
haha..

anyways..im feeling slpy alrdy.. will blog more again..
too many thots goin thru my mind rite now..
all the jumbled thots...
i need to unravel and sort out..
i need slp too :)
:)
~tas

came back today frm desaru..
guess i kinda learned alot abt many ppl on tis trip..
and i guess very often ppl are often not wat they appear to be like..
.. i keep hearing this phrase echo-ing time and again..
" .. its time to let go .. "
i guess i reali have alot to learn ..
xiu mentioned tis..
in life we have to take the bitter with the better..
i guess it kinda made alot of sense..
its true.. but yet sths we're juz not satisfied with tht..
sths i hear ppl question why?? why?? why??
... rhetorically.. ..
or ask God why certain things happen the way they do...
i get frustrated when i hear them..
but yet sths i find myself questioning juz abt the same thing..
yet i know deep down inside tht we dun have a choice..
its all part of God's bigger and mightier plan..
sth tht probably we wont understd as yet..
had a few deep conversations with few persons the last few days....
i realised tht somehow somewhere out there the world's juz not all abt us..
not abt who we are, or wat we do or not do....
i totally agree tht when its time to move on .. i SHOULD..
i know i will have to eventually....
but yet i duno how to..
i cant bring myself to let go...
..wish i can look at the sky evrynite...
... to find more and more stars ebrytime i look into the sky...
its the prettier part of life tht i want to experience more... and enjoy more..
yet sths its juz not tht all easy...
life is a rollercoaster...
it has its peak and its downs..
the slow times and the holleringly fast times too..
and when we least expect it,
it comes to a standstill..

guess i'll blog more abt the fun part of Desaru tmr..
oh i juz hafta add tis..
Dz looks weirdly un-dengzhi-ish with his new coolcut..
i totally cant get used to it...
took many photos..
will post up reali soon...
enjoyed it thoroughly!!
its physically draining though...
rite now im super exhausted...

juz came back frm Auntie Jackie's funeral wake..
feeling reali saddened..
i guess it reali affected many of us...
my warmest condolences to the family..
to

Pastor Hong,

Isacc

David

Daniel &

Benjamin

it breaks my heart to see the five beloved men in her life standing dere mourning... all of them look terribly upset..

esp lil benjamin.. though at his lil age.. was too sad to even lift his head up..

..while streams of ppl came to pay their last respect to her..

i pray tht e Lord wil be with them comforting them and encouraging them..
there are soo many questions running thru my mind rite now..

of which many still questions why things happen the way they do...

of which i often ask myself.. wld i be a happier person if i know the answer?

or will the answers actualli make me feel better?

it annoys me quite bit.. why i still ask why..

when so many times answers juz make me more upset..

like wat ppl say.. ignorance is bliss..

sths not knowing many things in life is often a wiser choice..

its time for me to go off now...

work as usual tmr.. how i wish i can Pon work ...
*sigh*
~tas

i'll be away for a couple of days..
so.. takekare dudes.. :)
adios..
^tas

im so excited abt dinner tmr with uncle James!!
my all time favourite uncle!! :)
i miss all the times when i was a kid...
he brings us out so often.. :)
hope it'll be good :)
~tas

im am soooo happy today...
i met soo many ppl...
firsly.. its my dearest xiu n pau!!
my all time wed-nite buddies...
met angela dear too at scotts..
met wayne koh near SA..
chat a lil while..
saw stacey too in town..
went down to see karen mendy and jean...
saw the pretty boy dere too..
he's nice... n friendly..
but a lil weird cuz most of the time wat he says are all nonsense...
n i found out tht Jean is my senior in OLGC!!
wat a small world..
Qianhui came down to meet us at DFS later..
went home early today..
saw Alex at the control station...talked a lil...
and then i saw QImin on the train!!!
she's my senior in cedar...
the choir prez when i was in sec one...
we always always laugh so so much during practice...
wats even more surprising is tht she's reali good frenz with kehui..
and she actualli recognises me aft soo many years...
haha.. cool.... even Ms chye too!! haha...
talked to Alex on the way back..
its so nice to be able to talk to all of them again...
oh and did i mention i met Bettina too!! :) she's sucha darling..
a pretty one at it too! :)
i miss Gen... i miss Hilda... where are u...
im so excited abt the trip .. hope im not too tired though...
so many things coming up..
hope friday at onxy is good too...
~tas

i need prayers...
my family's juz been hit by sth reali serious..
and its got me feeling kinda scared..
i dun want it to get any worse than it is..
somehow its definitely gonna affect me quite badly in one way or another..
decisions need to be made... quickly..
or else e consequences may be more than we can take..
"God will make a way ...
..where there seems to be no way...
..HE works in ways we cannot see...
..He will make a way for my family..."
~tas

guess im gonna MIA for awhile aft tis entry...
till i feel better...
so enjoy tis entry while its heree...
terribly lonely week.
dint bother abt anytink or anyone.
in short juz peaceful.
late nitez out.
but still.
met up with wj a few nitez ago..
he was feeling upset and needed a chat..
sat at gardens and talked for hrs till it was almost morning..
glad he felt better..
met up with darren last weds..
for lunch..guess it was one few time i actuali sat down to talk to him..
im glad i did cuz he enlightened me on quite a few issues i never reali thot abt..
yet making me tink even more and feel even more confused..
whichever.. i juz need to STOP tinking for awhile.
its driving me crazy..

wenta church for meeting today...
had to be late cuz of work...
cuz they start too early..
wats worse is tht im now i admin..
which i totally HATe..
but i guess i hafta do it i guess..
i feel sooo irresponsible..
soo sooo soorrry esta!!
im sucha disappointment..
im sorry.. :(
guess u muz be so angry i dint do much rite..

anyways.. wenta give charlene moral support...
our cell met at siglap CC..
charlene ting darren dengzhi and rach all came down!
played badminton..
it was real fun..
i totally enjoyed it!
though i was made the dummy in the end..
im happy anyways! :) at least for the nite..
darren send us home too!
felt soo bad cuz it was sucha long distance ..
we both stayed like so far away!
thanks DARREN!

anw.. i feel terrible now..
gorged myself with too much food today..
i hate the feeling..
super bloated..
*sigh*
someone save me..
im super tired..
yet i cant slp..
my stupid mind keeps keeping me up..
i feel terrible.. and terribly full..
~tas

i dun wanna be lonely no more...
~tas

i hadta resort to climbing over the gate..
my own hse gate la...
and it was raining soo heavily...
it was so pathetic..
couldnt get my hse remote to work...
argh.. i feel sick..
more like i wanna feel sick..
so i can stone at home n not hafta go out or to work at all..
next few days will be reali hectic for me...
someone pls help lighten my load...
anw, on a lighter note..
at least i have sth to occupy myself n not tink too much..
guess im happier liddat...
oh, n Nel dropped a call when i was at work today..
he was still in camp..
was so surprised...
well... it feels reali good to hear frm friends..
realise im beginning to keep in contact with more n more old frenz...
ppl whom i seldom had any chance to talk to at all...
im beginning to like it..
haha.. n making more frenz too..
enjoying it even more..
was quite disappointed yest nite...
dint enjoy it much...
lots the rest of them for quite awhile last nite..
was left alone... dint feel good at all..
hadnt feel so disappointed in a long time..
sths the feeling of lonliness is reali scary..
terrifying actualli..
talked to a few persons i never ever talk to..
i realise too tht ppl are not actualli wat or who they seem..
but oh well.. :)
im goin to slp..
i hardly had like 6hrs of slp in two days?
its bad.. im gonna K.O. now..
have 2 meetings tmr..
how to survive man?
*sigh*
~tas

work has been quite smooth for me recently...
she very very nice to me..
like i wonder why..
doesnt want me to leave so she got no one to work for her?
haha.. becoming a workaholic..
dint go out much ..
cuz dun hav ppl to go out with n oso dun hav many places to go..
reali bored lately..
some certain person forgot abt our date..
horrible.. i shall never bother abt u again...
guess i shld come down to being alone more often..
will have more activities coming up tis week..
too packed alrdy.. duno if i can survive e week or not...
anw tis month.. may is a month of birthdays!
so cool.. so many happy occasions, bday cakes and bday songs!!
reali wld love to go to yvonne's on friday but cell's having a bbq..
sigh.. i miss yvonne! angela too...
they are ever so busy...
sigh... :(
will tryta attempt to slp early today..
been yawning all day...
coffee dint help either..
slping time! :)
adios!
~tas

kexin.. actin cool..

attidtude foto..

kexin n me

me with precious..

aunt n uncle... :)

me when i juz dyed my hair..

at aunt's wedding... holdin her bouquet..

another one.. :)

me.. with my new specs! :) i lok so specky!

Now..
I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burned
Can I trust the way I feel
my heart's been fooled before

It's been so hard for me
To give my heart away
But I would give my everything ...

You got me mixed up breakin' down
Can't get over loving you
Can't get over
You got me mixed up breakin' down

Broken heart, lost reasons
and these feelings that just won't go away
Changing times, new reason
But still holding on to dreams of someday

And my tears do they matter?

~tas

CONGRATULATION AUNT EDNA!!
today's her wedding day..
so cool... well i wish her all e best... :)
~tas

fool again

I should have seen it comin'

I should have read the signs

Anyway, I guess it's over

Can't believe that I'm the fool again

I thought this is true

How was I to know?

You never told me

Can't believe that I'm the fool again

And I have thought you were my friend

How was I to know?

You never told me

~tas

im so sick n tired being the nice one..
for once i reali want to be able to do wat i reali want to do..
not wat i have to do..
its so frustrating..
parents are such unreasonable lot of ppl..
they say the most ridiculous things..
and do the things u least want them to..
so much for being old enuff to work n not ask them for money..
but when it comes to having ur own freedom..
they say tht ur only how old...
wat hypocrites!
they juz love to say things tht are to their own favour..
wat do they reali know abt who am i?
darn.. sickening.. infuriating..

~tas

went to kbox to meet pau n xiu..
i was kinda late...
had lotsa stuff to clear in office...
though work is busy..
im having a lot more fun...
anw back to kbox..
qianhui joined us too...
she has nice controlled voice..
sweet. compared to the rest of us whose voices croaked reali badly..
haha.. including me.. esp mine!
tmr will be a day i'll be busy running ard at work...
hmmm .. duno if im still meetin gen for dinner...
they are goin rouge...
im too tired to go i tink...
will see how tmr.. :)
slping time i guess..
its late..
toodles!
~tas

jars of clay plays beautiful songs..
guess im trying to slowly forget e dreadful side of listening to JOC..
n now reali appreciating the songs itself..
guess in a way its not all abt the songs..
its abt wat the songs mean to me..
the letters i received frm the ppl in yanlin made me realise tht despite the distance they do still regard me as a friend...
someone they will spend time to write letters to..
it does somehow moved me..
at least e friendship does mean sth...
somehow we never did show care for e ppl who mean e most to us..
why?
~tas

i feel so totally exhausted...
even lazy to try on stuff today...
had quite alot to deal with today..
at work im now almost like a nanny..
today susanna had an asthma attack..
kinda freak me out...
hadta try calm her down n all..
luckily it was under control..
she was hospitalised the past three days..
juz came bac frm the hospital n she had a relapse..
dere was no one else to help me at first...
and i had no experience or warning..
was glad all's find in e end...
i kinda enjoy work now..
its at a much slower pace...
n things are falling into place..
geraldine's nice to me too now...
i shld be happy...

anw.. my hair's reali dry rite now..
like dying out..
too much chemicals man..
dyeing is bad for my hair...
sigh.. tmr goin k-box..
hopefully it'll be good.. :)

i wanna listen to karma..
dint getta finish hearing it...
anw.. been listening to alot of jars of clay lately..
...furthermore..
listening to it over and over again thru e nite..
im enjoying it even more ...
it reminds me of alot of sad stuff though...
distinctively esp on the journey back to changsha frm yanlin..
whenever i hear it tears will roll down my cheek unstoppably...
its like a lethal weapon..
it hurts so badly it even kills..

i guess emotions are the worse enemy of oneself..
it eats into you..
consumes one thru n thru...
happiness or sadness..
it pities no one else..
and it hurts.
~tas

took leave today...
to go for my driving..
applied for my PDL finally aft sooo long..
slept till quite late tis morning..
but still i was super tired when i woke up...
felt as though i cried the whole nite ...
had a swollen-eye feeling...
duno wassup with me either...
but anw.. i dyed my hair today...
nth much done to it..
juz dyed and streaked it more..
cover the roots n all..
now its brighter..
kinda looks the same as before to me..
well messier though..
saw melissa koh at xiu's office canteen today...
wow...its been ages since i last saw her...
saw jolin and jasmine kee at ssdc too..
they both took their driving test today...
so cool la...
its like my first driving lesson n they're actualli taking test alrdy..
anw it was good seeing them again...
wenta dye hair aft tht with xin..
she cut her hair again..
quite short though...
well well..
it time to go back to work again tmr...
sigh..
i kinda enjoy not working n not having anytink to do at all...
but its back to the horrible reality of working...
i still dint receive anytink frm the universities...
sigh...
*saddened*
~tas

dun want another pretty face..
dun want juz anyone to hold..
i juz want to love somebody..
by heart and by soul...

love is sweet..
but i never did meet..
someone who'd love me like u do..
i feel like sucha fool..

i wanna dance and be happy..
smile and not be sappy..
chill with my frenz
like it'll never end..

~tas

juz feel like blogging something random...

a wish list...
- hi-fi set with good amps
- the new anna sui secret wish perfume (the angel one)
- Sony ericsson K750I
- capri pants
- Levis jeans
- Nokia 7610
- a tv for my room
- driving license !
- Uni acceptance..
- small pretty handbag
- a bag ripcurl sling bag
- new bed with new sheets n quilt cover..
- new hair colour (which i may do sth abt it tmr! )

and now for the more intangible things....
- frenz for company... (im seriously bored!)
- love care and concern
- to love and feel loved
- a confidente
- someone to stone with me!
- to be happy.. and stay happy..

im juz full of trash..
duno wats with me..
*crapz*
~tas

Norah Jones - What Am I to You

What am I to you

Tell me darling true

To me you are the SEA

Fast as you CAN BE

And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low

To whom else do you GO

See I cry if you hurt

I'd give you my last shirt

Because I love you so

If my sky should fall

Would you even call

Opened up my heart

I never want to part

I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyesI can feel

THE butterflies

I love you when you're blue

Tell me darlin true

What am I to you

Yah well if my sky should fall

Would you even call

Opened up my heart

Never wanna part

I'm givin you the ball

When I look in your eyes

I can feel the butterflies

Could you find a love in me

Could you carve me in a tree

Don't fill my heart with lies

I will you love when you're blue

Tell me darlin true

What am I to you

What am I to you

What am I to you

~tas