i never thought it wld get this bad.
bro wanted to call the ambulance but they were afraid they'd call the police,
and mum n dad was afraid even to bring me to see a doc,
sometimes i even wonder why i'd ahve a brother like tht.
one bro to protect me and the other to cause the harm.

now im so upset cuz i cant wear the dress i meant to tmr.
and now tht my hand is useless i cant even draw eyeliner!
cant believe it, and it has to happen a day before! :(
*sobbbbsssss*

feel soo crippled now.
dunno if i can drive still.
singlehandedly.
lefthanded at it.
damnnnittt.
im gonna be a road hazard.
so watch out everyone on the road!!
getting my crossroad back tmr at least :)
hope the pain goes awaay
else i have to go for x-rays n stuff.
so annoying.

it hurts it hurts it hurtssss!!!
helpppppp.
~tas

had several blackouts today, very low blood pressure.
anemic gone super low.
and constantly needing alcohol to sustain myself.
back problem is getting really bad tht sometimes i wish it'll go away.
the only thing tht helps is alcohol :)
another excuse to drink.
but khee tells me how bad tht is.
dehydrates body cells and makes one age so much faster!
i dun wanna look old :(
oh wells, i had a great week :)
and im soo looking forward to next week!!! ;p
hohohohoho. and i can see him again.
mr hot :D

well been drunk so much lately i duno how to stop.
having too much fun.
and i need to tell myself partying has to end, by march i hope.
back hurts still. and i have an interview.
and tmr im gonna do pedi and medi and facial and wax! YAY!
time to pamper myself like head to toe. LOL.

been bumming ard for far too long.
tokunari boss where are you? ;p
p.s. i need a job.
~tas

i say this again.
give me alcohol and i become a horrible person you cant recognise.
i feel :(
but thank you dear!
i had a fantabulous time!
was feeling so upset but u cheered me up!
love you many many many manysssss!
alcohol has done me in as u said.
and i feel little.
~tas

it must stop.
now.
yes.
cuz u make me feel shitty each time.
and yes.
i need to get it outta my head.
doormat.

im so disappointed in you.
so upset tht each time u make me upset.
~tas

im super duper duperrrr upset....
went out for a shop walk shop with mum..
she wanted to get me the Ck watch i wanted for my birthday..
But cldnt get it in the end :(
~tas

i realise i have too much clutter in my life,
some of which even i cant bear to dispose.
and some of these leaves memories.
a beautiful mess as Jason mraz says.
awfully humourous nowadays.
i find evrything almost funny.

cant put a finger to many things nowadays cuz i dunno wat is it i really want or wat makes me really happy. maybe i just dun want and dun need to tink right now. its sundays tht i want to go out and also stay home. confusing, isnt it? is tht how my mind works? haha

its ironic tht the word ironic appears ever too often in my posts.
jealss. am i often? haha. and it turns out tht i try to understand myself.
maybe sometimes i dun even remember my name.
i am happy, cuz im not tinking all the time now cuz i dun wanna make myself miserable.
i am happy, as it turns out tht oblivion isnt so bad.
i am happy, as i know tht i can do better.
i am happy, as i have you.
i am happy.

~tas

i dun wanna know dun wanna feel dun wanna be anytink.
im numb and i feel so helpless. not good.

i wonder why i bother sometimes to be so bothered.
why cant i be a lil more nonchalant abt things goin on ard me.
why do i always get so affected and get myself feeling so upset.
i hate it tht u lie to me.
why all tht pretence?
for evrytink else i could overlook,
but i hate it tht u walked out on us.
once again, its in my face, blatantly.
im so disappointed, and i wish somehow i could tell you.

notwithstanding the face tht i let you down too.
im sorry chrys.
likewise its like payback.

i wish i wish i have a birthday wish tht comes true.
and i will wish tht it all all go away.
birthday :) im almost 23. wow. help.
~tas

i wanna be able to throw tantrums tooooooooo!
pls say i can. pls pls pls pls pls pls. :)
~tas

im feeling very uneasy. and i dunno why.
uncomfortable. restless. this really queer feeling inside me.
i dunnnnnnnnnoooooooo wat is wrong.
wat u said to me keeps ringing in my head.
helpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp.
im not stress nor unhappy.
or maybe i am. but why?
i feeel like screaminggggggg. help.
:(
~tas